First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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