she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There r osticjed everywhere
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
