apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
