Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
