I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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