I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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