Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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