Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
