jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
