I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
