I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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