Dual....:-)
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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