hotel room ftw
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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