just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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