Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
