ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
