you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I AM VODKA MAN
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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