i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
