my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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