oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
