He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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