whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you would pick up someone in the library
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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