I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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