i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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