i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
