He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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