did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
