How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we're making bets on your personal life
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
