And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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