Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
