He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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