Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
