Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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