actually, I'm a sock model
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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