I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
