I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
