Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
