When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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