hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
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Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
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the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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