He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
