You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
