i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
