Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
