Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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