Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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