did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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