Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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