just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
