Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
