You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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