Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
