Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
