I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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