Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
