is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
