i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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