I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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