I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
