maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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