so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
