ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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