we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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