Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
