do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
