NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
