am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
