I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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