Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
