Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just pee around me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
