Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
