Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
worst night to have a conscience
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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