I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
