Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
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The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
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i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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