Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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