she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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