Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
