I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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