4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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