You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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