So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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