Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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