Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
