Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
