yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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